Adebelle

I can’t remember when was the last time I post something up here. Everyday is my personal battle with time. Well, some said you have to make time for yourself for time does not make time for you. I said fair enough but a tired mind after a long day at work yearns nothing more than a hot shower and beckoning bed! Really, anything else can wait but sleep. Alas, sleep can always wait when there’s work to be done. Now you wonder if I work to live or live to work ; live to die or work to die. Darn, this is getting all too depressive! STOP!

Bah! Today I decided to turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to work! It’s time to take a moment or two to reflect. A quiet Saturday afternoon seems too perfect. I feel like I’ve been living out on a fast lane for the past 2 months. No slowing down or I’d be crashed and burned. Ironically, if I don’t slow down, the first organ fails would be my bladder! Poor little bladder. I’d love to smack whoever that say life is a bed of roses. I think they must have forgotten about the thorns!

Oh dear me, this much angst and anguish I have when I talk about work. Little did I realise I’m slowly turning into a slave, in the name of work and since when have I become so bitter about life. That is if work = life. Arrrrgh, I ought to get some life back! Someone please, please stop me from babbling.

Ok, pardon me for a moment of insanity. Let’s get serious. I’ve gotta exude more positive aura! So yeah, to cut to the chase, I’m stressed out and washed out. I don’t know what keep me sane but by disecting my feelings so openly right now, I can only guess that I am still pretty sane.

The truth is, despite the stress and a few silent curses I am grateful for all the crazy things that happened around me. This is not a war nor violence I’m talking about. If you haven’t quite followed this entry, I am freaking b***hing about my imbalanced work life balance. If I will myself strong enough, I could almost see the good that will come out of all these sufferings in the end. Well, the good has gotta come out! I am so going to make sure of that. I think I am just a tad bit weird by constantly talking to myself but hey, if I don’t talk to my own soul, who will?

Anyways, you know I am not religious religious but pretty religious. I believe in God trully and completely. In time like this (I call it my personal turbulent time) there is no being whom I trust more than Him. No one love to be tested but God is also testing us; not to see if we are any good for anything but to prepare us for the greater things in life. I stumbled, I fumbled and I found my feet again. I walked in the dark, alone and scared but slowly, I found the light and no longer alone. I am now walking with steady steps, knowing confidently that the greater things are within my reach. It’s almost corny but everything happens for a reason and the reason if up to you to discover. I have discovered mine.

Now I know. A leader can never be a leader if he/she never led. To lead is to shoulder heavier responsibility. To lead is to be led. To lead is to teach and to teach is to learn. Through the experience, I confirm the strength I knew I have; I relish my new found forte and metier and most importantly, I recognise my weeknesses and limitations. I have never come to know myself so completely. In the pursuit of greater height, one tends to get lost in what’s real inside and assume what’s fake from the outside. A good thing I know clearly who I am and who I want to be. This always keeps me on my toes. I shall always be true and honest to myself. This is a little vow I make for me.

Now I stand as a 24 year-old and looking back my life, I can stand proudly and say I have make a 24 year-old proud! Good things come to those who wait. I finally can’t agree more to that. My turn has come. Bring on the tide!

Life at a quarter decade must be bright and shinning simply because life at 24 is a brilliance itself!

A toast to all the young girls who are making their mark and presence felt in the world, to all the girls who are making their mother proud by standing tall and strong in the face of challenges and to all the girls who are now soaring in the big blue sky!