Resolution #1
‘May all your resolutions come true in year 2007…’, I squinted my eyes trying to read yet another message in the dark. It was afterall way past 2am and I was just started to fall deep into my sleep. My cell phone hadn’t stop vibrating throughout the night of the new year’s eve. It’s true that I should count my blessings for everyone seemed to think of me and sent their well wishes as we crossed into a brand new year… really, I can’t complain I had to go without a decent sleep for the night. 
The only thing is… I haven’t set any new year’s resolution yet! I was just too exhausted to think. Fixing issues at work had been the main fixture in the past weeks. When it was finally done and over, I couldn’t be bothered to spend a little time think about things concern me. Hah, what an irony! We spent so many hours ironing out work related issues and yet so little time for to think for ourselves!
Worse still, spiritually, it’s such a shame that my heart is on the verge of turning into a barren land. I haven’t attended Sunday mass for a while. I haven’t stayed connected with the Almight for as long as I can remember. I don’t say prayers before I go to bed anymore. Instead, I indulge myself watching late night football matches and waking up to the sunday afternoon sun. I have a problem, I really do have a serious problem here. I stop thinking about things which matter to me. I lost the ability to talk to God. I don’t know how to talk to Him anymore. This is bad, really, really bad.
Call me religious, but seriously, I am not religious religious. If you know what I mean… I just need to believe in a power which is above all mankind (which I found in Him), His love which is so pure and so sure and His grace which always fills my heart with hope when there is no hope. I simply need to know someone will always be by my side when I am feeling small, rescue me when I am drowning in the trouble water, sooth my broken heart when it’s hurting, love me even though I’ve sinned and just listening to me whenever I need someone to talk to… so you see, God is that person.
I know He’s ever loving and forgiving but I have been taking Him for granted. How could I say I love Him and yet have no time for Him?! Oh dear, please forgive me Lord. It must sound really funny talking to God this way. But I reckon if I put my words down like I am doing now eventually I’ll be able to talk to him freely again.
I need a confession… to cleanse my soul and start anew… So here goes.
Sorry God I haven’t been a good girl through out the year and sorry that I broke my promise to be really nice to mum and everyone around. I am really sorry that I talked bad about people who angered me and letting my temper flare up in the size of an elephant! I am terribly sorry I haven’t been the most forgiving person. Forgive and forget, just like how you always forgive me. I am even more sorry when I doubted your love and your grace when things do not go my way. I should have know you already have the best plan for me.
I promise to ever sing your praise and make more time for you and for my family. I will try not to spread bad things about people but only the good things. I shall not loath the weakness of others and learn to accept their incompleteness. I should always remain thankful and count my blessings. I will learn to give and take, to be just a little more patient and compassionated. I should tame the fire of anger in me and be pleasant to everyone. I know It is a long list and I might not be able to do everything, yet I know I have made your proud.
I want to thank you for sheltering me in your love throughout the year 2006. You helped me to see my own limitations and keeping me grounded. Your power was so apparant when I surrendered all in your hands. Can I just ask of you two small favours this year? Can you please keep my grandma healthy and bring peace to our family? I promise I’ll be good this time round.
So yeah, my first resolution of 2007 is finding the missing bond with God!
