Adebelle

It’s 8.59 am and am sitting here in the office with my eyes slightly wet from the urge to cry.

I’m feeling and absorbing all sorts of emotions coming from all direction… I’ve just heard another bad news…Yes, another one… First was KH, a fine young man suffering from lungs cancer when his life has just began. He is almost a stranger to me except we were once working in the same company. Even so, it brought tears to my eyes as I went through his blog, his struggles and his strength at the hour of facing such remarkable pain both physically and mentally. He is a warrior to me and I pray that God would have a good plan for him.

Now, I’m feeling for Ai Mee, I’m feeling for her only daughter little Erica… She’s barely 10 years old and her little body is put to the toughest test, chemotherapy of late. She fighting with bad blood cells (thanks to leukemia) while many of us complaining about literally every little things that didn’t happen the way we wanted.

It breaks my heart to imagine Ai Mee going through this ordeal… Erica means the whole world to her. She is always talking about her little angel with the beam of pride in her eyes. Little Erica is one special little girl! What amazes me the most is her love for creepy crawlies! Very cheerful girl the last I saw her. She was sitting on my desk, observing me doing work and telling me about her friends and her school.

We were playing shooting-paper-balls-into-rubbish-bin game later that day. She laughed when she missed the throw. She was running around in the office as any kids her age would. It saddens me to think that little Erica might not be jumping around and filling the space with her contagious laughters as she used to be. Her tiny body must have been under tremendous of pain.

We can’t do anything for her except to cheer her on from the sideline. Spoke to Ai Mee a while ago and am glad she sound rather okay. She is a strong woman. Let’s pray that her strength will carry her through this tough, tough time. Little Erica has been hospitalized and currently under intensive care. No visitors are allowed. I’m not sure if I’m ready to see her; I don’t want to shed a tear in front of her. She could use without few drops of tear. I remember seeing grandpa lying so still on his sickbed in the hospital. I couldn’t bear the sight…

Please hang in there just a little bit more, Erica and KH… things can only get better from now on… I know it…

It really got me thinking now… have I been living my life the way I want? Will I have any regrets if tomorrow never comes? Have I told that somebody things that I’ve been keeping so long to myself? Have I said sorry to people that I hurt? Am I living the day to the fullest?!

It’s true that life is quite all about taking chances. But what kinda chances are we taking every minute of every day? I’d never attempted to ponder upon this until one fateful morning.

Everyday, there are so many chances come knocking at my door. Good ones, bad ones… I wonder how many bad chances I have taken and regreted and how many good chances that I missed and could only cry over the spilled milk…

I’m definitely no strange to car accidents and how ironic, it takes me to realise something so profound through other’s mishap instead of my own.

‘Life is all about taking chances, chances that make you not break you’
-Adeline-

I won’t even try to deny it. I am the biggest personality tests junkie alive!! I could sit in front of my trusty lil’ laptop the entire afternoon going through one test after another. Nothing proves to be this fun when you had all the time in the world at your expense. Hmm, unemployment was not that bad after all. Besides, one needs to know one’s personality well enough before one can attend any job interviews without a glitch, right?

You are 90% Extrovert and 10% Introvert (What?!, 90% extrovert?! I’m not an introvert?? But I am, I really am!! Don’t you think?)
You are as outgoing as they come (As they come? They? Who? Hmmm… ok, I’m outgoing when I want to. I’m a selective outgoing person to be exact)
The life of the party, you’re friends with everyone (no comment, but what if I don’t party that much, what if I don’t like a handful of people…friends with everyone is questionable)
You are a people person, and you are quite the entertainer (Yeeeeaaah, finally something about the real me. People person, I am a people person!! Hehehe… *mentally blocking the bit about entertainer* nonsense, I am not a clown or monkey, ok!)
You love being around a crowd and acting spontaneously (Not too sure about being around crowds… I don’t think I like crowds… especially if the crowds stink, I’d rather be home alone. But maybe I’m sponteneous :D)

***What Your Underwear Says About You?***

You like your underwear to make you feel girlish and pretty. (Every girl likes that, right?)
Let’s hope you’re a chick. (Hahahah, please don’t tell me there are curious guys out there doing this test?!)
You’re sexy, in that pinup girl, tease sort of way. (Allllllright… But hang on, pinup girl, like the one on Tiger Beer ads?!?! Please tell me it is not! I am pretty sure they mean LV/Gucci/Prada that sort of pinup girl. I am sure…)

***How Weird Are You?***

You Are 30% Weird (You mean eccentric?)
Not enough to scare other people… (Of coz, why would I wanna scare anyone?)
But sometimes you scare yourself (Maybe… Hehehe)

***What’s Your Hidden Talent?***

Your Hidden Talent:
Your natural talent is interpersonal relationships and dealing with people. (People person, remember? :D)
You communicate well and are able to bring disparate groups together. (Maybe I should put that talent into good use…)
Your calming presense helps everything go more smoothly. (Calming presense? Since when? You think it’s the yoga?)
People crave your praise and complements. (Really? Who? Never mind, shall praise and complement more then. Hehehe)

***Who Were You In a Past Life?***

In a Past Life… You Were: A diseased Undertaker (What the heck?!! A diseased undertaker?!?! This is utterly absurb! Other similiar tests say I was a scholar or something else, definitely not an undertaker! I am freaking out!)
Where You Lived: New Zealand (I thought I was a Parisan or a Roman…)
How You Died: Suicide (I’m not surprised… either I scared myself to death while working (yea, as an undertaker) or commited suicide)

***The World’s Shortest Personality Test*** (It’s really short! All I did was to pick a picture that I like at the moment - 3pm in the office… sshhhhh…)

Your personality profile:
You’re sexy, powerful and bold. (No comment…)
You’re full of passion and energy… (Oh hell yeah!)
Sometimes this passion has a dark side. (What?! Dark Side?! I don’t have any dark side!)
You feel most alive when you’re seducing someone. (Gooosh, seducing?!)
You never fail to get someone’s attention. (Errr….)
Quick minded, you’re also quick to lose your temper! (I know…)

I didn’t like the bit about dark side and seducing! So I picked another picture I liked at ermm 3.05pm.

Taking personality tests is something I allow myself to indulge in. But I prefer to also take it as a mirror which more of less reflects our characters (the good, the bad and the evil).

Gosh, this is the first time I feel old (yes, O.L.D) having been the youngest in the project all these times. I guess that’s how my project mates feel when I’m around. Hmmm…

Met up with a friend, Joe whom I hadn’t seen for 2 years since graduation. He’s my cute lil’ flat mate back in good old university time. I miss his puppy too! Didi is an adorable dog which used to come in my room and play. He likes sitting on the skateboard and being pushed around in the kitchen. What a dog, what a hobby

Anyway, Joe brought along a friend for dinner with me at Zen. Guess what, she is only 18. I swear she doesn’t look quite her age… I thought she’s my age… but shhh… So, half way through the dinner, another friend arrived. She’s not 18 but she is only 17!!!! She is a baby! Gooooosh, I can’t believe I was kinda hanging out with two teenagers! Oh coz it is not a crime but all day long I’ve been surrounded by people who are older than I am. All of the sudden, I was dining with 2 teenagers… how weird is that??? Trust me, kids these days grow really fast. If they hadn’t proudly announced their age, I wouldn’t for once imagine they are barely touching 20 years old!

I am the OLDEST on the table! Geeez, the oldest! This is kinda hard to digest maaan… I am the oldest, not the youngest, not anymore… I have so many younger cousins and I have no problems or whatsoever communicating with them. But the thing is I don’t really hang out with teenagers this way, you see.

Then the cute lil’ junior (she is rather adorable. Two minutes sitting next to me and the had already asked a string of questions) blew me away with one of her many questions. ‘Do you always have it easy at work?’ I looked up at her while still chewing on my unagi (err, is that what you call an eel in japanese?) Her eyes followed the movement of my mouth waiting for my answer. Oh boy, I wished I could chew faster…

My little head was processing the question on the plate. ‘Do you always have it easy at work?’ Hmmm, what did it suppose to mean? Was thinking maybe she wanted to know how working life is really all about. You know maybe she wanted to prepare herself for that… though a 17 year-old and working life don’t really match. But hey, I am nice senior… I could spare some times educate her.

Poor girl, she must have waited an eternity for my answer. Just when I was about to open my mouth, she was talking again. ‘You know, I have a friend who is already working. She told me that everyone at work treats her really nice. That makes her working life a breeze.’ ‘Oh, I see. Hmmm, your friend is really lucky. Decided to give her the real flavour of reality, I went on and on about some nasty experiences my friends had. ‘Gosh, really? But my friend has it really easy!’ I was rather pleased with myself. After all, I had just opened up a young and innocent’s eyes about the real world. One can’t always live in a fairy tale, right?

I was about to continue with more nasty stuff (was giving her a life lesson here maaan… was saving her from getting culture shock when she faces the real working world in a good few years time) and I heard her saying, ‘My friend is really pretty. I thought you are very pretty yourself too.’ (sorry, I didn’t mean to openly gloat about this… but hey, will ya excuse me for a few seconds please :P)

Oh maaaaaaaaaaaaan… did you hear that?!?! This cute lil’ junior thinks I am ‘ahem’… I thought I blushed for a minute… Please don’t mind me here. Am relishing the moment… okay okay, stop it Adeline, stop… this is pathetic…

Alright, am back to normal self again. Hehe… there is only one thing in my head now though. I wanna age gracefully. I wanna preserve my youth but not with Botox, face lift or plastic surgery, okay. I am afriad of needles!! Besides, that’s not really aging gracefully… The

best way to preserve one’s youth I say, is to live life the way your think you deserve it. Happiness shines through the eyes of the happy people; happy people are the most beautiful people and when you feel beautiful ‘age’ is merely a sand in the sea…

By the way, come to think of it, I kinda have it easy at work, haven’t I? One hell of a lucky girl I am Work is good while life is even better. I am blessed with loving family, great friends who will not judge who you are but cherish what makes you you, helpful and fun colleagues, nice strangers on the streets (occasionally some odd ones but hey life is still beautiful)…

I LOVE MY LIFE!

P/S: at the end of this post, if you think that I’m insecure around younger people I strongly urge you to disregard that thought. It was just a momentary paranoia, okay! And you better admit you have that occasionally too! I can see right through you

Oh by the way, in the middle of dinner, I asked Joe innocently and of course nonchalantly, ‘hey, how old do you think I look like?’ ‘16’, he replied with a glint in his eyes. I knew it! I knew it! He was mocking me! But hey, 16 isn’t all that bad

Okay, am finally back to old cherry self finally! Hurrah to myself and a pat on my not-very-fair-back(courtesy of Awana Kijal’s sun)

Had been sulking since yesterday right after I found out some not so pleasant news. ‘This life is not fair.’ ‘Life is never fair.’ ‘If this world is fair there won’t be poor people.’ ‘Nothing is fair.’ I’ve heard too many people too many times lament about fairness which they have little or no control over. It’s been a long time since I suffer from this bitter feeling. It led to self pity and almost destroyed the faith and confidence I built over the years for myself.

It gets you wonder if you haven’t been good enough. It makes you wanna ask the same question all the children ask before Christmas, ‘am I good enough to receive a present from the Santa Claus?’ I felt as if Santa Claus has put me in his black list this time… It is that helpless feeling (slowly eating u up) that scares me.

It’s best to ditch the negative feelings now. While I’m sulking, people have already gathered their feet and get ahead. This is of course not a race nor competition. But, (here I go again) why is it so unfair?! Okay, I am not going to dwell about things which have already happened and probably would not changed no matter how many times I shout ‘unfair’.

It would be wise for me to remain poised. Too much complains will land me no where but someone’s black book. I shall prove myself by actions. I shall not let small things like this distract me from my path. I shall win this battle!

At least someone believes in me and thinks that I’ll make it quite far in this pseudo-fair place!

P/S: Thanks Vicky and BA for being you and for being there at terrible time like this.

I am on my feet again

While the memories are still fresh like hot buns, I reckon I should quickly ‘offload’ ‘em here before they slip away like quick sand!

Official Agenda - Day 2
7.00 - 8.00 - Breakfast
8.00 - Noon? - ‘a** kicking’ Team Building Activities
Noon - Lunch
After Lunch - Team Building Activities (cont’)…

My Agenda:
7.45am - Phone rang and it was Elaine. SMS followed subsequently. ‘Are you awake yet?’ Blimey!!! was still curled up comfortably under the comfy duvet!!!

7.45am - 7.59am: Getting myself ready for breakfast. Couldn’t possibly go out with the pyjamas… By 7.59am, made a desperate attempt to dash to the lobby where Elaine was waiting. We then took a stroll down to the beach area where the white marquee was. Yes, we strolled there despite breakfast serving time was almost over. By Malaysian standards, I reckon we were kinda early, anyway.

8.00am - 8.15am? - We were almost done with breakfast. Obviously there were many early birds (I wonder how did they manage to wake up so early. Hmmm, maybe these people didn’t follow WC). Ah shoot, I thought Elaine and Sally wanted to jog along the beach before breakfast and I wanted to do Sun Salutation (yoga) by the beach too. Crap, let’s just scrap that idea all together

I couldn’t quite keep track of the time from here. I remembered heading back to my room after breakfast and took a quick shower before making way to the Giant Staircase for the photo session. I barely made it. By the time I changed into my team jersey (Viva England) and got to the Giant Staircase, the camera had already been clicking away. I quickly fixated a smile and looked into the camera. Hurrah, I made it! Two pictures were taken in 5 seconds. Great! But then, I would probably appear no bigger than an ant on the pictures. I was standing at the toppest of the Giant Staircase, which mean the furthest way from the camera. Hmmm… who cares, I probably don’t wanna be seen with 2 giant pimples hogging kinda permanently on my forehead. What a pest!

I wonder who I was gonna meet. Hadn’t see anyone in England jersey. Oh hang on, the guy standing 1 foot away… he looked familiar and he’s wearing England jersey. He turned out to be someone I knew but couldn’t remember his name. (but I thought he introduced himself again? ahhh never mind… I still don’t remember his name).

I kinda have no mood to continue now… please will you excuse me.

Hola, I am finally back from the little tripping at the East Coast!! All is good expect my sore body and the slightly ‘toasted’ skin. Not to forget the fact that I lost my voice… Geez, I thought I sound like a toad if a toad could actually speak.

I am aching… my body is aching, my mind is tiring and my bed is beckoning! I think I could just slump into deep sleep for 2 days without having to wake up for food! It is that tiring! Yesterday upon reaching home at 2.30pm, I passed out on my bed at 2.31 pm right up to 7pm. Watched a bit of WC replay and passed out again on the couch until 8.30pm. I had never slept that much in a day I swear. This supposedly holiday has totally worn me inside out!

Friday, 30th June.
6am - Woke up from bed, took a quick shower, ’shoved’ two slices of bread down my throat and hopped in the car to Becky’s. We were supposed to reach the LRT station at Taman Jaya (the gathering point) by 6.45am. The traffic was rather smooth that morning so I prayed. Was slightly off schedule because I was having a tiny problem to ‘unload’ some of my clothes from my little FCUK bag. It wouldn’t help when I took 10 minutes longer than usual in the shower… Anyway, the point is we made it there before 6.45am!

Friday, 7.30am
The damn bus was still idle by the road side. My patience had been tested to the fullest. What is this maaaan?! Were told not to be late and now one hour had passed and we were still waiting for the late comers to make their grand entrance before the bus could ‘take off’. Typical Malaysians! Should have told them to come at least an hour earlier… I was so sleepy and when you are sleepy… you tend to get a bit crabby… I glaced around the bus, what greated me was one unfamiliar face after another. Hmmm, that’s the whole point of having a company trip, isn’t it? Time for some mingles among the singles. Okay, maybe not only among the singles but it rhymes! But little missy wasn’t up for a mingle session. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone. I just wanted the damn bus to move! To what it seemed like an eternity, the bus started to move, finally!

Friday, 9.00am - ‘ARE WE THERE YET?’ Kaya bun and Tesco mineral water (it taste so awful that I’d rather swallow my saliva!) The fact is, don’t even buy Tesco brand mineral water. It’s awful than awful! It taste like plastic. Don’t get yourself poisoned.

Friday 10.00am - Where were we? I wished I were a bird.

Friday 11.00am - Geeeeeeeeeeez, when the heck were we gonna reach the god forsaken beach?! I was so hungry and thirsty! (half eaten kaya bun was still stuck in the miserable pouch… I wasn’t going to touch that bun!

Friday 12.00pm- I hate long bus ride like this…

Friday 1.00pm - ‘We are only 30 minutes away from Awana Kijal’…

Friday 1.31pm - Yeeeeeeeeeeea right!

Friday 1.45pm - Which clock did Diana use??? *agitated*

Friday 2.00pm - Gave up completely…

An eternity later… the bus pulled over at the main entrace.A few ermmm hotel personnels (?? No clue how to address these ppl) lined themselves up at the stairway and started to sway their bodies the instance Macarena was played. Weird, very weird sight. I thought they were welcoming us. Hell yeah, they really were. Our faces must have transformed into dollar signs instantly. I thought one of the girls twisted her hip so much that she could get her hip dislocated…

The next hour was frustrating!! The key, who had the key?! It was all hell breaking loose. The stupid resort apparently has this one key per room policy! How very dumb. Are they assuming all their guests to stick together 24/7?! Ridiculous. I had a hard time tracking down my roomie and she apparently got on my nerves and ended up as cow no.1 in my list that day. Shan’t go through what she did… but she was kinda bossy and hence pesky. But I gave her a little piece of my mind to show I ain’t that good to be bullied. So glad that I didn’t end up sleeping with that person. I probably would resort sleeping under the coconut trees if that ever happened!

Rooms were swapped and it was all good! Let the good time roll!

God forbid! The good time apparently didn’t come as I would like it to. The Business Unit Meeting (BUM) overrun the time limit. We were trapped in the room with pretty much very little content of oxygen. I don’t have to mention the smell of that room, do I?

Finally the meeting ended around 7pm… We were all sticky and sweaty… Gone was the ‘free hour’ we supposed to have before dinner. I didn’t get to stroll along the beach nor watching the sunset.

The dinner wasn’t as sumptuous. The big white marquee offered nothing but still air… It was an extremly warm night! Not to my level of comfort. I wasn’t in my best mood to socialize. So I just sat quietly and tugged in the hard rice…

The good thing was, we had a big screen showing WC quarter final!

Let’s hope it would get better the next day.