Adebelle

I was in jolly good mood before stepping into the lift. Little did I know what lies behind the heavy door of the lift at -1st floor. Stepping into the lift, was horrified by the awful smell greeted my nostrils. Now, imagine mixture of unwashed armpits, athletic foot and rotten salted fish… that’s what my poor lil’ nose had to go through! Urgh, the thought of it still makes my stomach flip!

The good thing was, I was all alone and it wouldn’t take more than 10 seconds to reach -4th floor, where my black stallion awaited me. ‘Ding’, blimey, the door opened and a girl walked in. I was annoyed that I had to put up with the awful smell for another second. But that’s really not her fault. With one hand cupped on my nose, I glaced up at her and anticipating her reaction to be the same as mine.

As my eyes met hers…

I thought I saw her pupils dilated. Okay, maybe that’s a bit exaggerated… but I swear, her eyes really did grow bigger. I thought she looked excited. But with the smell… who with the right smile would be excited?!

I shifted my eyes back to my shoes and I heard her said, ‘You look familiar.’ Looked up and met her gaze, my mind did a quick ‘Ctrl+F’ searching for the faintest image of this person who claimed to know me. She continued, ‘You are from Prime colleague, aren’t you?’ She looked even more excited as I nodded my head in puzzle. ‘I knew it, you are definitely from Prime College. It can’t be wrong!’ ‘Where do you work? B**F or ACN?’ Gooosh, this girl, was she spying on me?! How on earth did she know where I am working?! ‘Errm, how did you know? I could be working for any company in this building you know,’ I retorted. ‘It has to be either B**F or ACN. By the way, I work in B**F and I’ve seen you before!’ ‘Oh yea, you joined Leo Club, right?’ ‘Yeeea, not very active member though,’ Blimey, how did she know so much?!

I tried to think of something clever to say but my mind just went blank. ‘You know you have that type of cute face… of coz I remember you.’ Yeah, cute face. Ugly but adorable face?

Too dumbfounded, I just let her do the talking and before the lift stopped, I couldn’t help it anymore and if I had to be blunt, so be it.  ‘Who are you?’ I looked at her and gave her a quizzical look. I’ve looked everywhere in my mind but there wasn’t a tad bit of memory about this girl. I simply had to satisfy my curiosity.

Stepping out of that stinky lift, I breathed in the not-so-fresh air to keep my brain alert. Things have been gone a bit bizarre lately. It’s like all of a sudden I have people jumping out from nowhere, pointing at me, and goes like, ‘You are Adeline, right?’ This happened last Friday outside KLCC Cinema too! Two Primers I didn’t quite remember saw me in the crowd and… I spent the next minute figuring who on earth they were… Embarrassing, ain’t it? I always think I have a poweful memory. Apparently, it isn’t so! Not anymore! I have failed to recall 3 faces to whom claimed to know me since college!

It seems like she was trying to recall my memory. She still going on about the fact that I was studying in Prime college before and looked extremely satisfied when she remembered it so ever clearly. ‘Hmm, Prime College right? You were doing A-Levels?’ I shook my head. She had another go again. ‘No, not A-Levels? Ha, it must be PPP and PCD right?!’ She was estatic when I nodded my head. ‘I studied A-Levels and PCD. Do you remember William?’ ‘No’ My mind went through the whole list of Williams I know. First one popped out was Prince William. But that’s impossible. ‘So and so?’ ‘No’ Not giving up, she gave me a whole list of names which my brain didn’t register, at all! How very sad…

Dejected, I looked at her and tried to sounds polite, ‘I really don’t remember you. I am sorry. I am really bad at names and last Friday, I couldn’t remember these two persons’ names too’ I hope that would minimize the damage. She barely bat her eyelashes when she heard this.

‘Eh, how did you get into ACN? I heard the pay is rather well. Better than other companies, right? Do you have to work really like? Yada yada…’ Wow, look how fast the conversation changed. In a way, I was relieved! For one moment, I didn’t have to hit Ctrl+F to search for a response. I started to tell her about, oh well, stuff… and there goes 10 minutes standing at the doorway to the carpark.

‘Let’s do lunch tomorrow or some times later’, she said. ‘Oh, sure thing’ ‘What’s your extention?’ ‘Errrm, I don’t remember. But I can give you my mobile phome number.’ *012 - *******’

The last thing I remember about this entire ‘reunion’ is that I didn’t ask for her name! Smart, very smart, Adeline!

Maybe, if I have to see her again, I should tell her that I fell down from my sleep and I lost that part of memory which contains her name… L.A.M.E, lame, I know!

Now I wonder how does it feel like if someone comes up to me and requests for my autograph? *Grin*

‘Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing’, oh yea, the annoying fire alarm just went off AGAIN, sending disturbing vibes to my brain!

This stupid fire alarm, well, it practically goes off every once a while, like 3-4 times in a day few months back. Very reliable fire alarm system we have here, VERY… I can’t imagine the real case of fire, how many people would actually care to leave their laptops alone and run for their dear lives. Ever heard of the story of Shepherd And The Wolf?

Anyway, today has been a good day for me. Just like Mr. S** (I don’t think I wanna spend a good 10 years as a jailbird - consequence of blah-ing about this man), the Korean client of ours put it in his email, saying ‘I hope today is first day on greatest week’. Now it got me wonder how did he manage that line when his command of English, shall we say, is very limited. Just this afternoon, I sent him an email, which I think was simple enough to be understood. His reply, apart from ‘I hope today is first day on greatest week’, the rest is really trash not what I’ve asked for. Amazing, ain’t it? I spent the next 2 minutes laughing my head off… and spend the next 30 minutes or so constructing another email even a toddler would understand. It’s tough, you know! I’ve been watching patiently since then. No reply from this man. Hmmm, maybe he’s checking his dictionary?

Anyway, today is such a productive day! *Looking at To-Do list* 10 out of 12 tasks are done! Crossing out the task is so satisfying!! So here I am, partly promted by the false fire alarm; calling it a day by blogging here without feeling a tiny bit of guilt! He he… Speaking of the power of organizing your time wisely… *smug*

I am so proud of myself! So so so so proud of my self control! It’s almost flawless. I am finally a grownup with so much power over temptations. It’s all about control, or some said mind over matter. Think poverty, think people who hasn’t got enough to survive. Yes yes, I’ve been thinking about all that and the end result? Ta da, a totally recovered shoppaholic for ya! Did I mention that am a binge shopper, by the way… *grin*

It’s really a big deal, ok! It’s been 2 months a 2 weeks without such self indulgence! We are talking about a girl who used to shop weekly. WEEKLY, you get it? See, I am still standing

Oh by the way, I just bought some really cute hair clip with flowers on it last Saturday. It’s really cuuuute and they are so cheap!! (if you compare the price tag with the one in Evita) Everyone should go to the flea market at the Curve for little things like that. So you see, that DOES NOT count as shopping. I didn’t get it in a mall Besides, I hardly spent a fortune on it!

Yesterday, my mum and I headed to Secret Recipe, Summit for lunch after church. Our eyes were tranfixed on the colourful sandals arranged neatly on the rack. Unconsciously, we walked towarsds those candy-like sandals. ‘Can I try it on? I need a size XS, please?’ I heard myself saying to the sales girl. Don’t be silly, I was just trying it on because this pair of sandals (Croc) is nothing like what I have. Gone are the pointy front and also the 3" heels! It’s really comfy! ‘Oh well, it’s not what I usually wear. I’m sorry. But you gonna be around, right?’ I asked the sales girl. ‘Yes, till 5pm’, she said.

Lunch was great! I had MeatBall Spaghetti and mum Mexican Chicken Chop (something like that). Dessert was yummy American Choc! It’s heaven! It’s been so long I tasted something so delicious like that.

*During Lunch*

‘Mum, you think I should get that sandals. It’s really cute. Look at the pink and the yellow ones. Aren’t they just plain striking. The yellow ones look like Pua Chu Kang’s boots! Which colour do you like?’ I casually asked, looking very nonchalant. ‘16 colours they have. But still the pink ones look nice and sweet.’ ‘Mum, I want it… the pink one.’

On our way home, I carried my first pink Croc in one hand and some earrings on the other.

Well, a few pair of earrings wouldn’t actually hurt my account, would it? Besides, they barely cost a thing…

and yeah, am a recovered shopaholic!

Is it possible to have the cake and eat it too? Hmm, perhaps… maybe… maybe we could indeed have the best of both world. My mind drifted to so many occasions which I thought I had my cake and ate it too…

Strange enough, right now, I don’t think so, not anymore! ‘No, YOU can’t have your cake and eat it too! YOU can’t! YOU hear me?! Either eat YOUR cake or have the crumbs in bed with YOU!’, I thought I heard myself shrieking hysterically…

The wall of self denial is slowly tumbling down. I guess wasn’t blind all this while. It’s the blind eye that she turned on. Every memory flashes back so vividly and quickly. She wanna push the ‘STOP’ button but there ain’t no such button. She can’t defy the power of the unleashed memories. Too weak to fight back, she lets her memory flows freely. Still standing alone in the windy stairway after a heart wrenching goodbye it’s her… night breeze blew over her face, drying the tears she cried while comforting her broken soul. How long ago that was… or it’s only just yesterday?

No, this time YOU won’t have YOUR nice little slice of strawberry cheese cake and eat it! I won’t let it!

Go find something else!

I lost my sleep last night. Lying on my bed, tossing and turning for the gazillion times, I tried to close my eyes but they stayed wide opened. I was still very wide awake.

Heart was as peaceful as the afternoon lake without any ripples. I could hear it humming a joyful tune.

Late afternoon, I could see the lightning; spliting the grey sky into two. Now came the thunder, annoucing the arrival of the unexpected rain. The weather forecaster had failed to see it coming. It started to drizzle. Gone was the ripple-free lake. A tiny rain drop created ten ripples. The ripples grew bigger and eventually faded away; replaced by new ripples. The lake embraced the rain, danced as the droplets hit the surface. Half an hour or so, lake and rain immersed themselves in the sheer joy of reunion, celebrating the moments that once thought was lost…

The rain had stopped. They knew everything would eventually come to an end. The lake would remain on the ground and the rain… would return to the sky. Between them is a distance too great to be measured. Between them it’s the air…

Rain said to the lake, ‘Why don’t you come up to the sky? I miss you. That way I get to see you and show your around my place. You haven’t been up here, have you?’ The lake responded, ‘I miss you too. It’s too far to travel up there my friend. Besides, you aren’t alone. There’s air, remember? You can always come back here. You belong on the ground, always.’ Both rain and lake felt silent. It was a long time when lake started to speak again. ‘We’ll see… perhaps I’d see you up there…’ With that, they parted…

Air and rain, rain and air. Rain and lake? It’s a code even Da Vinci could not possibly solve.

The rain won’t come tonight. I’d sleep like a baby again.

Am so gonna indulge myself posting as much thoughts as I may right now, right here! Heaven knows when the stupid whatever would decide to die on me; taking away my joy of sharing and poking fun of my own daily lil’ advanture called life.

As I cruise along the journey call life, I realised my stone cold heart is no longer hard and cold. I found compassion for my mother more and more each day. It was hard to open up and share my deepest thoughts with her once. I had been living far too long away from her and perhaps I hadn’t learned the way to love.

My eyes sparkled everytime I spoke to my friends on the phone. Mum was so envious of my friends, to whom I was always patient and polite. I was everyone’s little angel, nice and understanding; except mum’s (maybe to her I mean the world but I didn’t feel like I had show her that I care) Perhaps you won’t buy it if I told you to me she means the world too… it’s just that I hadn’t found a way to tell her. I wasn’t at all comfortable of showing her my affection. Blame it on the separation for more than a decade? No, nothing could replace that 10 years living with my beloved grandparents, even thought it means separating with my mum for almost 10 years.

I have this weird feeling. I think God is answering mum’s prayer. Only God knows how much she prays… I am happy to announce, I’ve found the way!

I picked up my mobile phone and sent mum a Mother’s Day wish 15 min before the clock hit 12am… Odd enough, it was as hard as I thought it’d be. Strange enough I didn’t get goosebumps when I read her reply. It was so natural. It’s just like two friends sending sms-es. Yes, she is my best friend who doesn’t get mad when I yell at her, who smiles when I smile, who cry when I cry (even thought I prefer her to be stronger and not to shed a tear in front of me because I need her to be the rock I can lean on).

At long last, my mum is not just my mother but my best friend!

This one’s for you mum. Happy Mother’s Day and I love you! Sorry for all the pain I’ve put your through… I know I haven’t been the most loving daughter around and am definitely the most demanding one around (but at least you could gloat about me to your friends and colleagues *lol*) Enough ok, my goosebumps are here!!

She better not be reading this! If she by chance is reading it, she better pretends she never ever read it… It’s weird to say I LOVE YOU, ok!

P/S: As a tribute to mum’s greatest love, I’ve decided to post this out… It’s always hard to admit that we are such a horrible daughter to people who know us. But who doesn’t make mistake? The point is, you make a mistake and you make it right. Am I right or am I right?

I know I haven’t been putting my thoughts into words lately. Well, it’s not that I’ve stopped feeling what I feel, stopped thinking what I think. Blame this stupid java script (or whatever techie name u call it). It wouldn’t let me post an entry in pink (or for that matter, any colour other than plain black!) I’d rather let my thoughts fading away (I know they will come knocking at my front door again, anyway) than to post a colourless entry. That wouldn’t match my world for every single thing is my own litte world has its colour, its very own smell, own voice and own heart!

Now that the colourful fonts are back… in another words, I’m back

Jeff loves to tease me about keeping my private life out in the open here. According to him (something along the line), I am exposing my life to any Tom, Dick and Harry. I can’t agree more with him BUT I can’t disagree more with him at the same time! Writing has always been my passion. If you’d just allow me to gloat a little (I haven’t left you guys much of a choice, have I? hehehe)… I’ve have won many essay competitions in school and you could almost see my name spread out in the school magazine every year. Yes, if you are wondering… I do have really good imagination and that helps me to come out with fantastic essay most of the time. Gramps used to say I could argue black to be white and dead to be the living. If I am not mistaken, something I read some times back suggests that I am ARGUMENTATIVE. *lol* But over the years, I’ve come to appreciate the beauty of silence too. U can’t argue all the time, can you? That’s not argumentative, that’s simply pain in the ass a**.

To many people who keep everything to themselves, blogging openly in the cyber space seems like a bad idea with a capital B. I guess it could be the same as inviting strangers to watch you taking shower!! (Gosh, where did I get that idea from??) To certain extend, I am rather private but writing has been a channel of releasing my feelings, be it happy or sad, far too long. I used to write letter to God and my Guardian Angel when I was really down and out. Once, I wrote letters to grampa, put ‘em in the bottle and threw it into the sea when I was alone in the UK. Of coz no one ever read those letters… and not in a zillion years am I gonna make it public.

I guess my heart isn’t entire transparent here. You won’t be able to see what I am not able to let you see if I decided that that’s part of my life that you aren’t invited to partake. So Jeff, I ain’t vain nor craving for attention.

I am just so glad to see the pink font again!

Laters