Adebelle

I know I keep saying this but heck, time flies really fast when you’re not aware!! Yea, Monday is nearing the end and Tuesday is coming. Soon before I realise, it’s Friiiiiday again!

Last weekend was a fun one! It’s been months after TeamBlue days since we had our Fun Friday. I finally met up with my lovely ibm clique at Passion. It wasn’t about drinking and getting drunk. You know I don’t drink… It’s about the togetherness. I wonder what my life would be without these fantastic people! I had a blast just sitting there and catching up with them. These are the strong bond distance, time and space will not take away! I think we must be the most united Teamblue in IBM history

It’s how funny the way girls meet up and talk about random stuff. Poor Vinson, I bet his ear drums were gonna explode! Thanks to our high pitch exclaimation and endless oh-my-god! It must be really hard for him to endure that 60 minutes in the car with 4 near-deranged girls

I don’t remember how long I remained in the dance floor… For all I care I was dancing like no one’s watching. But hey, maybe my dance moves weren’t that bad at all! As I was leaving the dance floor I heard a voice behind me saying, ‘Please don’t go. Stay here.’ I turned my back to find the owner of that voice and standing in front of me was a rather cute guy. I said RATHER cute. I gave him a quizzicle look and turned my heels and walked away. I could still hear him saying, ‘Staaaay here, please!’ I couldn’t care less and continued to walk towards the staircase…Hmm, didn’t mama tell you not to talk to strangers? :P  Wait a minute, this is not gloating. I am not typing this with smug face.

Back to Passion, a whole lot of other activities were going on. I didn’t know Chat could dance! Haahahaha… Not sure if it’s the drink but hey, it was fun to see everyone sweating it out at the dance floor! We should do this more often. Dancing is good for the soul and it helps to release all the stresses at work!

My weekend must have been spent on dancing alone! The next day back in 65th floor, KLCC was another round of moving-your-butt. Poor me, poor new joiners… We are supposed to embarrassed ourselves on the stage in front everybody, absolutely everybody in the firm during the Annual Dance and Dinner. You know what, for the first time in my life, I was cha cha-ing my afternoon away in the training room! Oh boy, it was… whatever… It was actually rather fun! I love dancing alright, but having your hands held by someone you don’t freaking know can be such a tormenting experience.

It didn’t help when your feet just kept getting stepped on! Urrrrgh, he can’t dance to save his life, can he? I couldn’t very well remember my routine everytime my hands were being surrendered for holding >:( I swear I remember every single step when I did it on my own! This is depressing and worrying. I am about to be spinned out from the stage or falling flat on my face that night… Oh dear…

Sigh, I don’t wanna think about it anymore. It’s just gonna make me really paranoid…

So Sunday, I spent the entire day nursing my poor little feet on the couch. Apart from attending Sunday mass in the church, I practically spent the entire day just lying down, very straight in front of tv. If you can’t imagine the pain, imagine this. Imagine climbing hills in the most uncomfortable shoes you have! Now you know what is like, huh?

So, am I looking forward to the next dance practice?? ?Yeah right, only on one condition… No hand touching or I’ll bite!

I have a problem, a serious problem. Oh well, it’s a tad negative to be screaming this so early in the morning, I know…

But the again, I hardly slept last night. I don’t quite remember anything that has such profound effect on me in a long time. Well, profound might sound too serious. Anyways…

So my question is, how do you be yourself and not lost touch with professionalism. I’ve been regarding myself as rather professional. At least I dress well to work and at least I don’t scream and shout in the office and of coz I’m always courteous. Alright, alright… It’s after you know me that my professional image gets tarnished, ain’t it? Oh boy… I know… gullible, naive, innocent, any other words to add on? and now am suggested to observe how others conduct themselves. Have I not been conducting myself well enough? Boy, I don’t think so!

Calm down Adeline… so back to the root of the problem. I think I should just sit and zip up most of the time. You see, it’s not that I always say the wrong word and the wrong time. Friendly environment they said. Friendly environment needs friendly people who aren’t behaving like her dog’s just died everytime you see her. Now I’m confused. Oh well… Maybe there’s still a fine thin, close to invisible line that separate friendly and formal. Now you wanna tell me to do things in moderation, huh? Of coz I am very well aware of that!

So there I go again. Just speak my mind without too much of filtering. The end result? Oh well, there you go, gibberish from me to you… and more confusions for myself. I am always contradicting myself, aren’t I? Think before you speak is indeed a wise advice. You know that Adeline, don’t you? But why are you still fuming since last night?

Search me, I don’t have a clue!

I guess, too much blogging is bad for me… I shouldn’t just spill all the beans! Ok, this is where professionalism comes in, girl!

Whatever… I am too lazy to analyze the situation… Urggggh. I will stay very faaar away from trouble for all I care. But then again, someone might just be very helpful and trying to help and give valued opinion??? C’mone Adeline… It isn’t that bad………….. See, I’m constantly challenging words that I just said… Is this some kinda deadly disease?!

Oh well, before I take my bow curtsy… First impression is indeed hardest to change but people, don’t people get a second chance? Only time can tell who’s what and who’s not. We lot, human being…. complex, very complex indeed.

Stop, Challenge, Focus… I can’t help but to repeat this line to myself as early as 8.06 am in the office!

For shouting out loud… I’m outta here!

Oh no, my thoughts are everywhere today. I can’t seem to ’streamline’ all of ‘em. Not sure if that has something to do with the lunch I just had. Baby python I am, very full and don’t feel like moving even the tip of my toes.

I am restless, very restless. There are so many things in my head, for crying out loud! When I said many, it’s MANY!!

I think I do really miss the programming classes back in KLCC even though the whole wide world knows how much I loathe programming. Oh well, I must admit the people I met for the past 2 weeks are simply FAB! I had a blast with these people I merely come to know for 2 weeks and yet 8 new friendships are already blooming! Not sure about others but I do feel like I’ve just found another good friend, Elaine. A girl who almost shares the same thoughts as I do. I’m going to miss her so much! There are other incredible people I’ve met, Mark, Sally, Halif, Yun Heng, Chai Ling and Bea Aik. These people are just awesome!! Have I said that already?

How very ironic that good time passes in just a blink of an eye. 2 weeks of nothing but programming and having fun ended far too quickly than I’d like it to be. Why can’t good time linger just a little longer? I am sure our path will cross again very soon. Afterall we are still working in the same company, aren’t we?

Now… the part that I dread the most…well, is to pack up all the jolly good holiday mood and get back to work. Two weeks of training tasted just like a good lil’ holiday. Too bad, good time is always short! I’m still trying to adjust the change. Just learned about new schedule for the next 3 months to come. New job scopes = heavier work load = new found stress = depressed Ade. I can almost feel the humongous stress that’s coming my way. Maybe if I try hard enough to be more Zen-like (eg, taking a deep breath everyone 3 seconds), I could handle the stress and emerge as a very self-poised person. Oh wait, how about thriving under pressure?? Sure I could use some pressure, no?

But… the truth is, ‘thrive under pressure’ is meant to be something to ‘dress up’ my resume. I didn’t mean it!! I am so not thriving under pressure! Instead, I turn into a monster under pressure… Who am I trying to deceive?

There are so many things that I could do at this instance and yet I’m typing away here. Very contradicting, I know… Ahh, where has my brain gone to?? Has anyone seen it?? Please return it to me, NOW!

I’m talking gibberish now, aren’t I? Too much is going on in my little brain! I’ve seen so many farewell in just two weeks. It’s depressing, I tell ya. So it will be Hooi Fung’s last day tomorrow. Who am I supposed to turn to when I have some pc related crisis?!?! *sob* *sob* Who is going to help me when I can’t finish loading? Who will offer a pair of helping hand when I’m in need?!?! Sure there are still Agnes and Chris but I am sure I’m going to miss Hooi Fung very much!! On the other side, I’m happy for her! At least she’ll be back to where she belongs and perhaps getting married and live happy ever after SWEET!

Saying goodbye isn’t my strongest capability. In fact, it is a field I’d never excel in. Imagine the pout and tears… Not a pretty sight. Goodbye Hooi Fung and you. You will be leaving tonight, finally, after so many times talking about it and not realising it. Take the chance and make your parents and yourself proud. Everything else will naturally fall into place when you sort yourself out!! Not sure when will be seeing you again. But I know you be a good friend for a long time to come. Four years fly by and sometimes I wonder what if our paths had never crossed. Am I to be the same person I am today? You do realised sometimes you really are a pain in the *** and yet life would never be the same without your presence. So when you’re miles and miles away, remember the most geeky girl you have ever met in your entire life and she will be thinking about a friend she never thought she would make thousand miles away. When I see you again, I’d want to see you in your smartest business suit and professional looking specs :)  Goodbye you, my past. Good luck, my friend, it’s time to spread your wings.

Blimey! Blimey! Oh, BLIMEY!!! Chinese New Year probably hasn’t gone for more than a day and here I am with an awful confession to make. My conscience is eating me out like waves eating away the beach. Awful is not even close to describe how I feel. Oh conscience, conscience, would you stop gnawing at me??

I know to put a stop to the constant inner voice that’s been ringing all day, I’ll have to relate the incident here. Perhaps that’s the way of expressing my deepest apology and regrets for what has happened.

*Taking a deep breath*

Alright, here we go, a confession of a hopelessly hopeless drama queen…

You might have already guessed it… What else, right? What else is she capable of other than meeting yet another car accident?? Shamelessly yes, it’s another car I’ve accidentally hit when doing a reverse in the open-air parking space this morning. I’m not being defensive but the parking space is a little too narrow for maneuvering. Anyway, I really didn’t mean to, I swear…

In the state of real panic, I glaced around and found no one witnessing that embarrassing moment. The very helpful indian dude who works in the car park was no where to be seen. Very quickly, it’s almost like a reflect reaction, I got down to check the damage. It wasn’t at all a hard bang, it was probably a really ’soft touch’..ok, soft ‘friction’ maybe. Alright, alright, maybe it wasn’t that soft at all! The abrasion, I’m sorry to say, left quite a few ’scars’ on the poor car and my black stallion. Uh-oh, big trouble… My stomach was churning, twisting into many many little knots.

The little devil sitting on my left shoulder took control of my mind. Before I realised, I already hopped in my car and off I went, leaving the poor car behind. Oh no, it’s a typical hit and run case!! What did you just do, Adeline Issabelle Chu?! Ermm, not very intelligently, I’d say, I chosed a spot which was perhaps 3 cars away to re-park. I have no idea what was I thinking, honestly! Aren’t I comparable to a dumb theif who left trails for policemen to locate… Not very smart, not at all…

I was too scared to linger around in the car park too long. I gathered my bags and fled myself. "Tsk tsk tsk", I can hear it! Even my tongue despises my lousy act. I’m sorry, I really do! I didn’t mean to run away just like that. I swear I wanted to walk back to the car and left a post-it or something. I really wanted to… It’s just that…it’s just that my legs wouldn’t obey the command of my brain. That’s not an excuse, I’m being really serious. I found myself kept walking without quite turning my head. I paced myself up a bit, hoping the early morning breeze would blow away the awful guilt inside of me, but it wouldn’t.

I couldn’t contain it anymore and so I told it to a friend breftly I arrived the office. He suggested to move my car out and far far away from the parking space, escape the crime scene, so to say. He told me he would probably do the same thing if he met the same incident. Strangely, that didn’t make me feel any better. I still can’t believe I’m behaving like a SHE COW… is this karma for calling her that far too much?? Maybe the owner is cursing me right now… yea, my stomach is kinda aching now. But she has every right to do so. I really can’t and don’t blame her for that… I’m sorry, whoever you are. I will pray for her tonight. She ought to get more blessing from today onwards. I hope with that, I could at least make it up to her.

I am a coward, a coward that runs away from her own mistake.

End of confession…

Tomorrow’s another day and yea, that’s pretty much a little update from a real life drama queen. Didn’t I say life is a stage?

p/s: I wonder if I should park at the same car park at all starting tomorrow. The driver of that misfortuned car might have seen me!! She might recognise my car!! Oh no! Now I remember seeing her turning back to check on her car before she walked out from the car park… God bless me…