Not Again…
It’s so easy to sit back, open your mouth and start complaining about anything and everything that does not go our way, isn’t it? Is like an inbuilt skill that I own but wish that I don’t. I’ve lost count the times I quietly reminded myself to stop grunting but still, I’m just a human being who is weak in spirit, at rotten times like this.
Shame to say, here I am again, on the same spot in my room, releasing what I’ve been dying to spill since the meeting this afternoon. I know I’ve made a promise to myself not to groan and grunt about work but…. Again, I let paranoia sets in and get the better of me. I feel like am at losing end and going down, down and down-er. I heard voices from the evil side, persuading, tempting and commanding me to give up. This is the time when I think work sucks, life’s pathetic and everything else is plain LOUSY. Tell me what else is there to look forward to when you might have to work on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.
Christmas is like a big thing not only to me but to my entire family. I wonder what would grandma feel if I don’t show up at on Christmas Eve… It’s our tradition to attend Christmas Eve mass together as a family and have nice Christmas dinner with all my aunts, uncles and cousins on Christmas Night. No pressie, no red wine and no time to catch up with loved ones. I haven’t seen cousin Annie for ages and she’s my favourite cousin. The only time to catch up for us is Christmas day. This is depressing and I can’t go on typing…
There I go again… please make this stop. I do not want to sit here and spend the rest of 1 hour ranting. This is unhealthy and absolutely serve no purpose rebuilding fighting spirit. If you don’t see any post for the next coming weeks, starting tomorrow until January 2006, just so you know, I’m still alive and hopefully kicking… Crazy schedules beckconing me tomorrow after 5pm. By then, I’d live to see no sunset, live to serve only WORK. Yes, it’s sad but it’s a challenge if you look at it from different angle. I am still convincing myself that I will absolutely conquer the fear and rise above it all (I know this is the thousandth times you heard me saying this)
I need to keep telling myself that I can do anything thrown at my face. It’s no longer a matter of ability, it’s a matter of self believing.
Now, it’s time to forgive and forget. After all, December is a holy month and a month that should fill with love and everything nice. I will forgive her.
Be strong, not for myself but for those who’s been supporting me all the way, for those who have faith in me, for HER who thinks highly of my capability, for grandpa and for HIM, my pillar of strength from high above.
You just have to bear with me. I need to self encourage to be the girl who is capable of doing anything she has to do.
Dinner time. Mum’s been calling me and this is the fifth time she calling me.
Till next year 
PEACE and have a joyful and spirited Christmas. Don’t forget to give and forgive. This is the purpose of the whole December!! Hehe… the December baby has spoken…
